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R ebecca Ammon
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Conversations about
Sex, Love, and
Relationships |
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November 28, 2011
Who's in Charge of Your
Swinger Life?
It seems that every couple plays by a different set of rules. Whether you are a
full swap couple or only participate in soft swap play, your rules are an important part that outlines your
lifestyle. Who is in charge of your rules?
My relationship is primarily dominated by my decisions, but Soccer Dad always has
a say in what is going on. We made our rules together, but they have changed over time. Some rules that
were very important at one time seemed to not be so important after finding our way in the lifestyle and yet
others we had to create after experimenting and testing the waters.
I have been with couples who don't allow kissing. While I don't
understand the premise behind this rule, I would never purposely break someone else's rules. The
interesting part of about this rule is that in my experience all the
men involved in a relationship with this rule will break it, the second their significant other isn't
watching. It's just a kiss after all. Kissing is important part of the sexual adventure to me
and without it the moment seems a little lacking. Who is really in charge of that rule that doesn't get
followed?
Some couples will proclaim their swinger partnership is completely equal.
Both will make decisions on who, what, where, when, why and how. But let's all be honest with each other,
sometimes we all let little things go, ignore small dislikes to get what we want. I have found that
although being a swinger is based on physical attraction, I will give some the opportunity to win me over with
a witty personality, a killer smile or a little flirtation that I can't ever resist.
When the rules get cloudy, when couples aren't completely discussing a situation
before entering the moment of no return complications arise, feelings are hurt and awkward moments occur for
all. The importance of a partnership in swinging is not worth anything if the rules are ignored
and/broken. While you might want to think you are both equal in your swinger relationship, in reality one
person has to lead the way making things work.
Both Soccer Dad and I are in charge of our swinger relationship, but one of us
will be taking the first step towards an encounter and one of us will make the deciding decision if the moment
will happen.
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