September 17, 2011

What counts as a sex partner?

On several occasions I've been asked how many sex partners I've had. Having lived as a swinger for several years, I've probably had more than most, but the exact number is tricky. It depends on what you count as a sex partner. For me, I can only define what one is, by describing what a sex partner is not.

Oral sex only: Some swingers are soft swap only. This means I only have oral sex with the other man then have actual sex with my husband. For me, oral sex doesn't count as sex.

He has a limp dick:  I've met a more than my share of soft weiners in my swinger life. The limp dick's owner may have plenty of ambition, but unless his penis is hard enough to enter and stay inside me after several thrusts, this doesn't count as sex.  Sorry guys.

I can't remember it: Drinking and sex don't always equal a good time if this good time can't be recalled. I've been out many times, drinking my share of Cosmopolitains, only to wake up a little foggy about the whole evening. If I can't remember if I actually had sex with him I just can't count him as a sex partner.

No one completely undressed: If you are in a hurry for sex and only expose enough body parts to complete the action is it really a full fledged sexual experience?  Some would call this a quicky, I call it nothing.

He was 10 second Tom:  I understand sometimes you are just excited to be in my pants and often this results in premature ejaculation.  But the fact is if you don't spend more than 10 seconds inside me I just can't count you as a sex partner.

I didn't enjoy it: I've been with a few men who where just plain lousy at sex. This happens for several reasons: he didn't turn me on, his dick was nearly undetectable, he had lame moves, or his performance was so awkward that I wished I stayed home to watch Survivor reruns. This doesn't count as a sex partner.

I don't believe in carrying around a trophy list of sex partners and it's just plain rude for you to ask for my tally sheet.  Who and what I do in bed is my business - it just happens to be one that I share with the world, but you will never hear me say I fucked this guy or that!  Did you count as one of my sex partners?  Think back, I bet you can figure it out.

1. I count it as ... if my erect penis entered your vagina in any way, we had sex. Another way of looking at it: the mere act of penetration = sex.
2. A sex "partner" is someone I have sex with more than once. Someone I work with to make us both enjoy it more.
3. My experience has been so limited (by religious beliefs when younger, and a desire not to upset my wife now) that I use different criteria so my number doesn't seem so feeble! My criteria is more about intent. I consider someone a sexual partner if during our interactions: A) We are in the same physical location (cyber does *not* count). B) One or both of us have our genitals fully exposed, with the expectation that the other person will touch them. C) We are interacting with the intention of causing one or both participants to have an orgasm. Even with those very loose criteria, I can only claim 3 partners in my life.
   :-( Sad, huh?
4. I count it as ... if my erect penis entered your vagina in any way, we had sex. Another way of looking at it: the mere act of penetration = sex.
5. Well, I guess for me, all of those count as sex... The fact that a toy doesn't pass quality controls doesn't make it less of a toy, even if no one wants to play with it (And for No. 3: I don't think 3 is sad, you've had your reasons, and they're perfectly reasonable).