September 21, 2011

Weird Dates:  It's happened to all of us

It's Friday night and you have spent the last hour primping for your date.  You expect this to be a fun filled evening with good conversation, great food, and possibly an awesome sexual experience.  But what you end up with was weird and unusual.

The swingers are here!

Early in my swinger life I spent a lot of time sending endless emails on swinger dating websites hoping to find a couple that appealed to both Soccer Dad and me.  One particular couple peaked our interest.  They seemed to have a lot in common with us, were close in age to us, and had decent profile pictures.  Since we were still newbies we didn't question that most of their pictures were taken from afar (red flag btw).

Being unsure if we were ready to go 'all the way' on the first date we planned to meet at the local Chili's.  We were both dressed in casual - family dining - attire.  It was early (about 6 PM) so I didn't want to wear anything that could be considered slutty (it is Chili's after all).  As we were waiting out front the couple approached and we instantly knew this was going to be an awkward evening.  Both were much older than their profile read.  She was wearing platform stripper heels and leopard spandex and he had his shirt unbuttoned halfway down with a thick gold chain.  The couple was screaming 70s swingers here!

Being polite we greeted them and headed inside. 

I can't say the conversation flowed easily.  Quite frankly I'm not sure if I spoke at all.  But they said plenty.  The oddest comment was about one dating rule - showering.  The couple tried to sell their rule as part of the whole sexual experience.  Let's take a bath or shower together because it's sensual.  The more they spoke the more they discussed that their need to see their potential sex partner wash to be sure they are clean before they play.  The date didn't last too much longer after that. 

Shall we wrestle?

After a failed attempt to meet a couple in public we decided to meet a new couple in our home.  We had spent some time emailing, trading pictures and talking on the phone so we felt safe this couple was a good match.

We invited the couple over to play cards.  This seems like a simple way to get to know others with little pressure.  The game didn't last long before the couple jumped up and started chasing each other through the house.  In and out of the kitchen, bouncing off the bed, then the couch, then the stove.  I'm not sure if they thought we might join in with the wrestling or if they wanted us to, but the behavior was just a little too odd for us.

Are both of you really into this lifestyle?

So we don’t really do much online dating. That is cruising Kasidie or LL looking for other people to meet. But we do take a close look when someone reaches out to us.

We got a message of interest from a couple that looked good from the angles shown in their pictures. The online exchanges went well and it seemed like there was some good potential there.It was also a plus that they were reasonably close, but not right next door.

So we go to meet them and the woman is beautiful, but for the most part non-expressive. Neither Julie nor I can get a read on how she is feeling, does she like us, want to run away?? The man did all the talking and quickly became obvious that he didn’t respect his wife’s opinion. She looked to him before she would speak and clearly that is how he wanted it. Now my wife is a very strong personality. For us it is an equal partnership and that should have become very obvious from the start.

The killer for us was when he began to dwell on race (his wife was Asian) and talked about how “those” women were happiest when subservient. It was clear that this guy had issues we wanted no part of. We were polite, finished our snacks/drinks and parted ways.

What amazed us was that he kept trying to set up another date and move forward into a play-date. Did he not get the disconnect? I get that he might have been looking for a strong woman for a change of pace, but did he not see Julie visibly cringe at his comments? Yeah, no, haven’t seen them since and lost the numbers.

Near tragic vacation

We learned a long time ago not to judge on looks. We’ve met some great people that upon first looking at them we were kinda “meh.... doesn’t really do anything for me” but as we got to know them they got really attractive, and outright hot!

So we’ve learned there are three ways to seduce my wife.  First if you are a great dancer you will get far with her.  Second make her laugh, if your sense of humor synchs with hers and you have personality then you will get far.  The third is to engage her brain, be interesting and intelligent and you may get far.

So it was evening and we were at a lifestyle place.  Did I mention my wife loves to dance? She’s dancing and her dancing is very full contact, very sexy and is essentially foreplay. So this guy, a bit older moves over and dances with her. The music is loud so they exchanged a few words of greeting, like names etc., but it was a physical thing. He had a great body and works out quite a bit. He also really know how to dance. There was lots of friction and rubbing. They were getting along very well. I know Amanda and know that she was very turned on with this physical sexy dancing.

That left the other guy’s wife and I together by default. The wife and I started to dance a little, but with the music so loud we really didn’t form any rapport and I think at that point we were mostly being polite.

So after a long dance session we decide to move on to the hot tubs. I know for sure that at that point Amanda was ready, even eager to take this guy to bed. She was fired up and moving forward. I hadn’t really decided on the wife, but with us that wasn’t a barrier. Sue could have moved on without me if the other couple was up for it, but the hot tub was a good middle ground.

When we got to the hot tub we weren’t alone, lots of sexy naked people but we huddled together in a corner.Amanda was kissing and getting physical with the guy.I chatted with the wife for a while and very quickly grew to like her. She was smart, strong and intelligent.Now that we could interact we quickly warmed to each other.So as my attraction to the wife grew I kept an eye on Amanda and the other husband. They had drifted to the center of the hot tub and started kissing. The wife and I got a bit more physical and at some point my wife Amanda asked me to hold her upper body so the other hubby could float her lower body to go down on her. Yes, I’m a gentleman and will certainly pause to assist a woman in need like that.

So was of the opinion that all has worked out splendidly and settle back into kissing the other wife.A short time later Amanda taps me on the shoulder and says we’re going back to the room. Yup, I’m ready for that. Again, I’m a gentleman. When we got into the hot tub I grabbed two towels. The wind has now kicked up so I give the two towels we had to the two ladies. I did that naked guy dance to the other end of the pool deck for two more towels in the shrinking cold wind.

We all get wrapped up and I start to lead off to our room……. Only the other couple doesn’t come with. Uh Oh what did I miss? I look questioningly at Amanda and she tells me yes “We” (us two) are going back to the room, not the grander “We” (the four of us) that I heard in my head.

So I run back, thank the other wife for a very nice time and say good night, then rejoin my wife.

In the after-discussion I learn that yes, the other hubby had danced like a sexy pro and was completely doable at that point. He should have quit when he was ahead and taken my wife to bed. But once away from the loud music he began talking. He in fact didn’t stop talking. He talked about himself so much that he un-sold himself. She said it was like a used car salesman trying to sell himself as a sex partner, with more than a hint of desperation. So when I saw my lovely wife kissing him in the hot tub, she confessed that was her attempt to keep the mojo going and shut him up. She figured if his mouth was busy he might resume some of the sexy movement he had going on the dance floor and things would work well. Uh nope, he apparently was a bad kisser. So she stopped kissing him thinking might relax a bit, but no, the talking resumed. So that is when she thought hey, if he’s going down on me his mouth will be busy and there is no such thing as bad oral sex right??? Well apparently he didn’t know how to go down on a woman any better than he could kiss and she lost interest in that.

His wife on the other hand was a phenomenal kisser (how does that happen??) so as my wife got less and less interested in the husband, I was getting more and more interested in the wife. He talked and bad kissed his way right out of an otherwise done deal. Since we didn’t know if they were open to her playing separately (and not a time to have that conversation) he also talked his wife out of what was lining up to be a very good match.

Too much too soon?

We have a friend who was very interested in getting into the lifestyle. She was going as a single woman, and when she told her girlfriend (co-worker) her co-worker was also very interested and wanted to come.  So we thought it would be nice to meet the co-worker before going to a swinger club with her for the first time. Break the ice in a more vanilla setting.

We mentioned this to some longtime swinger friends of ours. It turned out that the wife of the other couple (Call her A) had gone to an event on her own and met the male of another couple while out (Call him Andy). They got along very well kissing, rubbing flirting etc. They decided that they should get their spouses together as well to see if the two couples were compatible. For better or worse we decided to combine these two meet and greets.

We show up early at the martini bar before the music gets loud and the nightlife crowd filters in. We meet our friends, their new friends etc, and our two unicorns. All goes really well with our two new unicorns, we meet, and agree to host them to the swingers club soon.

Anyway the bad part comes when the when the wife of the other new couple (call her Sandy) shows no interest the our good friend’s hubby or even A herself, but really shows interest in Debbie (my wife) and I.  Really, we weren’t trying to jump into anyone else’s date.  The hubby, Andy was very interested in the wife A, but his wife Sandy and my wife Debbie were ultra compatible and hot for each other. Yeah kinda made a floor show at the vanilla bar. They went in their own little world for a little while and we got invited back anytime with that little girl/girl show.

So they (the couple new to us) were apparently quite happy to divide and follow their interests, but that didn’t sit well with A and her hubby so rather than cause waves we bowed out and took off. I guess the four way chemistry they had hoped for didn’t materialize. We felt bad because without meaning to we likely derailed a nice date.

So even though we were both very compatible with the wife Sandy, we have our loyalty to our longtime friends and will pass on sexy Sandy.

So we learned that we were guilty of introducing too many variables into the mix at one time. We’ll keep it more simple in the future when introducing new people.

1. You really need a diagram to understand the last one ("Too much too soon?")