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R ebecca Ammon
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Conversations about
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May 28, 2011
Too fat or too ugly to be a swinger? Years ago I was invited into a private swinger group that touted all its members were 'height/weight proportionate and attractive'. The group hosted parties at local swinger clubs and some underground clubs. While the the members were all types and not quite fitting of the proclaimed description it still provided for a good mix of people. After all, we all have different tastes so who am I to say who is pretty enough or skinny enough? Today I came across a facebook post from a group that was poking fun at a recent email from a disgruntled wanna-be member. Apparently the couple was rejected because she was overweight. The group owner laughed about the incident and asked what could he have said to be more blunt about the reason to the overweight womans' husband. I must tell you that I was shocked at the responses. It was like a group of high school bullies shouting put downs at the fat kid in class. When I think of the swinger lifestyle I imagine a group open minded people. Individuals who thinks outside of the box, not afraid to want more than the norm, and who are unphased by society's restraints. But here we are in swingerland being more judgemental than the average vanilla couple. I willfully admit I am attracted to attractive people (aren't we all?). Certain characterists will draw my attention and make me act like a dog in heat. But what I view as attractive, sexy, or beautiful may be completely different than what you view. I'm not sure I want to be part of a group so judgemental that they will tell you that you are too ugly or too fat to be their friend. Of course when I have a night out I want to be with attractive people and find someone I click with for a quick romp in the back room. But after years in this lifestyle I have found my taste has changed and sometimes I'm surprised by who and what attracts me. When I was a newbie in the lifestyle I was a 20 something who spent several hours a day in the gym teaching aerobics and perfecting my ultra skinny body. 10 years later I am now stuck behind a desk nine hours a day only to come home to more work - with little time to dedicate to my aging body. I'm 39 years old, a few wrinkles around my eyes, and a few pounds heavier now. Are you going to tell me I'm not pretty enough or too fat for you now too?
Comments
15 - Yes we have her weight and teeth arent
perfect but am clean you know. For a lifestyle that people want they are picky especially men. Want to bang
your girl only if sexy no fatties. no uglies. I agree
14 - We read it too, got so
pissed!
13 - You wont hear that from Me Rebecca its whats inside that counts and I LOVE CURVES!!!! 12 - I find as Rebecca does that I am attracted to attractive people, notice how the root of each word is the same? I however find sexiness to not stop at weight, in fact at age 58 I want my women to have some extra pounds on them, now it helps if they are in the right place as well...bigger ass, boobs even some belly fat I find attractive, moreso than skinnyness! As we all age, time and responsibilities can get in the way of working out, running etc. so the extra pounds come easy and go hard. 11 - I was recently sent an invite to a private group via the swing site we belong to. In the invite it said, "No oldies or fatties." I was shocked--and repulsed. I would NEVER attend one of their parties. Wonderful post, Rebecca. 10 - That's the one thing that's prevented us from exploring swinging...fear my body isn't perfect enough. 9 - (via facebook) Am I missing something? Those girls look pretty hot to me....
8 - (via facebook) There are idiots everywhere, unfortunately. Fortunately, I have some
open-minded and very diverse friends. :^D
7 - (via facebook) You wont hear that from Me Rebecca. It's whats inside a person that
counts. Oh and anyway... I LOVE CURVES!!!!!
6 - I agree that it's disgusting. I see
this kind of crap a lot in swinger and poly groups. "Fat" people and Bi men are rejected and put down. It's
especially bad with the expectation of women to be Bisexual.
5 - I'm a bbw and swing and been turned down
for such a party... But... I don't mind as I'm happy with myself and know my partners enjoy my curves, looks
and personality so it's there loss.
4 - Yes, I've seen this. I once wrote
to the party organizer directly. Let's just say his grasp of the obvious was not strong. I never attended his
event, and I now recommend against it to my friends--who are, indeed, a truly diverse bunch of all ages,
shapes, sizes, skin tones, political affiliations, etc!
3 - (via facebook) Just goes to show you are hanging out with the wrong "friends"! I prefer
polyamory to swinging any day.
2 - (via email) Hey Rebecca, Just read your article title, and said hey honey look at this maybe she read that fucking post
too. I read it yesterday while my wife was gone, and I am prone to facebook fighting with people, but the
lifestyle is a different forum and I forcefully kept myself from even the smallest comment as it would
lead to more.
When I said to my wife in bed last night, did you read that post? she said which, I explained and she went through all the comments and I know her, she was dying to tell "those bitches to f'off" LOL more or less. My view was how ironic, since nothing is less attractive than arrogant shallow people. I see this club, and you've read my view on girl girl swingers.....To me its alot of women in couples who have essentially transformed themselves into the "psychotic" single female. They all pick their hot friends, dance with each other in bikinis and their men stand and drink beers and high five each other. Not my view of swinging. But that is the mental weakness that leads people to answers like those I read, women who have grown accustomed to the xxxx club guys telling them how "totally hot" they are when they make out, like frat boys getting off on the visual and the prestige they think it gives them to be part of a group of "hot chics" that they themselves created....not much of accomplishment. So in short, good for you. I bit my toungue. I would cut and paste the facebook thread for later use, once they realize what a bunch of shallow asses they sound like. Like the Jocks frat in Revenge of the Nerds movie...or the movie Shallow Hal comes to mind. Sorry had to vent, and you seem to get it. :)
1- (via twitter) what a wonderfully crafted blog
@RebeccaAmmon to be honest, more of a life lesson as much as a lifestyle lesson! thank you
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