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R ebecca Ammon
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Conversations about
Sex, Love, and
Relationships |
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August 31, 2011
The Single Guy’s Guide to the Lifestyle
Single guys in the lifestyle are often seen as opportunists who are just out for a good time and can’t be trusted which is why they are not allowed into most swingers clubs and parties. Where does that leave you? Well, at a disadvantage but all is not lost.
Many couples do actively seek and enjoy single guys and with the right information and a little forethought
single guys can enjoy the swinging lifestyle. Here are somethings you must know.
Join an online swinger personals or lifestyle site such as Kasidie.com
Set up a single guy profile and be honest, DO NOT set up a couples profile and pretend you have a
hall pass. We will see right through that and you will end up looking stupid. Search and communicate with
couples looking for single guys. Post a full face photo or, if you can’t do that, upload a “private” photo that
you can exchange with a couple that expresses an interest. Don’t send the cock shot as your opening photo, no
matter how big it is !
Pay for your membership
The #1 rule for single guys – PAY FOR YOUR MEMBERSHIP! If you have a free profile on a swingers
or personal site then you look like you are trawling for pussy. Most of the active members of the website
will be paying members so use this to your advantage. If you can’t be bothered to maintain a profile at
$20 a month then you ain’t a lifestyler. And we won’t play with you.
Setup an Interesting Profile
Post as much information about yourself as possible. Give a good description of yourself as well as good
description of the type of encounter you are looking for. Also, provide a good idea of your location; If you
are willing to travel, make that clear. Post some pictures that show off your personality, sites like
Kasidie.com have private photo albums for paying members so you
can feel safe about posting pictures.
Put some thought into your introductory email.
“Wanna fuck” or “meet me tonight” will almost certainly get you deleted and blocked. Introduce yourself, read
the couples profile and quote something from it to prove you have taken the time to read it, ask to be
considered for future liaisons. Once you have made contact be very respectful, not only of them but also of their boundaries.
Remember, you are the third party. If it is a truly secure couple that are in love with each other, you
are there for their enjoyment and pleasure. That’s not to say that you aren't expected to enjoy yourself
too. They should be as respectful to you as you are to them.
Pick up your share of the expenses
Be fair and willing to pick up your share of the expenses if, say, you go to a hotel room or a bar. This is not
a free lunch.
Do not be pushy
By all means be confident but do not be pushy or try to rush things. If you have got to the meeting in person
stage it’s probably a done deal so go at their pace. Do not become emotionally attached, or make calls to the
wife without the husband’s full knowledge and approval.
Show up
Make sure you are punctual and show up when agreed to. If you are running late, send a text. If you can’t make
it, let the couple know as soon as you know you are not going to be able to make it. Hotels cost $ and the let
down can have other implications too for the couple who may have been fantasizing about their play date.
Be Smart
If you have a threesome with another couple, be mindful of the role that you are playing and where you fit into
the relationship with the other couple. You must be absolutely discrete. This means, you can’t brag to your
friends about the couple you are “scoring” with. Discretion is the hallmark of this lifestyle.
NO MEANS NO!
No if’s, and’s or but’s. Period. End of discussion. Regardless of how much you may have been intimate with this
couple, if either party says no for any reason, stop immediately. This sword cuts both ways as well. You should
never be expected to do anything that you don’t want to do. Be yourself. Never put on airs, or try to be
someone you are not. People can see right through this and, even if you fool a couple early on, eventually they
will see through you.
Compliment the woman but don’t forget the husband
Tell her how hot, beautiful and sexy she is. Don’t overlook the husband’s ego either. This doesn’t mean you
have to be phony, just be honest. But, after all, you did approach this couple because there was some
attraction. Others may disagree, but if you’re just looking to get laid, this will leave many couples stone
cold. Of course, sex is the key reason for people being in this lifestyle, but there are many other reasons
people engage in this lifestyle including the desire to have fun and make new friends.
Don’t Lie and Cheat
If you are a married guy swinging without your wife be honest about that fact. However, if you are a married
guy swinging without your wife and you do not have her consent to do so then you are NOT swinging, you are
cheating and most swingers will not only avoid you like the plague but make sure that you are found out.
Remember swinging is about honest and open relationships, not lying and cheating.
And, finally...
Prepare yourself for a lot of rejection.
This again is nothing against you. It’s just as you said, there are lots of single guys out there competing
with you. If you are genuine, pay for your profile, send intelligent emails and are mindful of all the above,
the single guy in the lifestyle can have a LOT of fun! It just takes a bit of time and effort on your part.
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