September 7, 2011

Stuff that turns me off!

Bad kissers. Stop eating my face, or wrestling my tongue, or slobbering on my dress, or whatever the hell you're trying to do. Kissing is like dancing. If you don't know how to control yourself, or your body, chances are you're going to be equally as awkward and oblivious in bed. If you're in doubt about your kissing abilities, just follow my lead.

No fashion sense at all. I am that superficial. If you are still pulling your pants up to your armpits or are wearing basketball shorts and flip flops at the local swingers club I'm not going to talk to you. In fact I may wallk away when you attempt to talk to me.Stupid tattoos: I'm a huge fan of tattoos, and actually have a few myself, but if you have a green alien tattooed on your chest or a bar code on your neck, you might as well get another one that reads "Don't bother having sex with this idiot."

A sweater of chest hair. Your suit of body hair doesn't make you like a cuddly teddy bear. When a woman says this to you, what she's really saying is, "I in no way find you sexually attractive but I don't want to hurt your feelings so I'll compare you to something cute, and nonsexual." If your chest hair has spread to your back, it's time to visit the waxer. Stop crying about how much of a hassle waxing is. At least you have something that can be fixed with relative ease.

I can't see your wood through the jungle. It's high time that you take care of that mess. Your dick needs to breathe. Your manhood will look bigger, smell fresher, and no one will end up flossing with your curlies.

Bad breath or body odor. If you can't smell yourself, or your breath, ask a friend. Smell is one of the strongest senses, yet it's often overlooked. So what if you weren't expecting sex at the office? If you ever hope to meet in the conference room again for a quicky, you'll rub some scented candles on your pits and rinse your mouth out with toilet bowl cleaner for all I care. If you don't respect me enough to take care of your hygiene, chances are you aren't going to be the most giving lover!

The drama queen. Don't bitch that I'm not paying you enough attention to you. Don't email me to ask me why I didn't respond to your last email. This is only going to make me ignore you more. If I have the time and the desire I will respond to you and if I don't then just move on.

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1. I disagree with you when it comes to hairy men. I like that I can put my head on my husband's chest and not have my ear stick to his skin. I like the contrast of my smoothness with his masculine rug. I enjoy rubbing my breasts against the hair on his chest and back right after he gets out of the shower because his hair is so soft. I don't want to be with a man who is smooth like a chick. I like men because they are men; not because they are like women. I don't want a man who spends more money at the salon than I do.
2. Don't like rough palms on a women. It's never her fault but it's still a major turn-off when the hand that grabs your dick feels manly. Also, women that are extremely vocal during sex. Sometimes it's just over the top and gets too distracting.
3. Well said.
4. heavy smokers