June 9, 2011

Secret Masturbation

My friend started the conversation today with "I am thinking about going back home, I left the movie in the DVD player".  I instantly recognized he was talking about porn and the fact that his wife would know if porn was in the DVD player he was likely masturbating.  Is that a bad thing?

Most adults masturbate from time to time (some all the time).  But for some reason many of us hide our masturbation from the significant other.  One female confessed to me that masturbation still embarrasses her even after years of being in a sexual relationship.  She admitted to being perfectly comfortable having sex with her partner, but ask her to touch herself with pleasure is far too uncomfortable. 

I was never into masturbation during my early sexual years.  And learning to feel comfortable doing it in front of my husband took some time.  Even though masturbation is part of our sexual routine, I still sneak into the closet (it's a big closet) and masturbate while hiding.

I know I am not alone with this habit.  One friend told me if he couldn't masturbate before work, he felt the need to sneak when he got home, sitting in the living room masturbating quietly to swinger type porn.  Why are we so secretive about this part of our lives?  Some will say they just don't communicate well enough to share with each other.  While others fear problems.  Masturbation can sometimes cause jealousy.  He's more into pleasuring himself than pleasuring me. She won't need me anymore if her vibrator gets her off without me.  Masturbation will never take the place of the human connection, it's a quick fix to a sometimes urgent need.

Masturbation shouldn't be a dirty secret.  As humans we have basic needs.  Sometimes those needs cannot be met by a significant other because time doesn't permit, sex drives are at different levels, or life just gets in the way.  Masturbation is a means to quench that need without seeking outside help. Yet I still go into the closet; partly to keep anyone from walking in on me and partly because I feel bad about wanting it alone.  I just hide.

I doubt my masturbation habits will change anytime soon. Masturbation has the unfortunate connotation of something shameful. And the years of believing its something that should be hidden will continue to shame me into the closet again and again.

Read more about masturbation here.

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