October 11, 2011

Jealousy and
Alternative Relationships

Some may wonder how swingers and polyamorous couples aren't jealous while others believe that you just can't be jealous and participate in an alternative lifestyle.  Fact is that we all get jealous no matter what our marriage parameters entail.

My Story

I've never had an issue with jealousy when swinging myself, but I have experienced it with other couples.  Recently while at the local swingers club a group of us (3 couples) headed back to a room.  I was having a great time with the guy I was playing with until his wife called him away.  I shrugged it off and began playing with the guy she had been with.  The couple proceeded to have sex with each other as the rest of us continued with the fun ourselves.  After everyone finished we all sat around the room talking - with an exception of the guy I originally played with.  He was sent to the corner and hung his head in shame.  It was quite awkward for all in the room.  I spoke with him soon after and he explained that his wife got jealous thinking we were 'too lovie dovie'.  To me, this sounds like a couple who shouldn't be in the lifestyle.  There's nothing loving about the way I play - it's just fucking.  That couple continues to be in the lifestyle, but I doubt I would want to play with them again.

Anonymous Male

Not really...but guys have a lot less we tend to get insecure about.  For us in general its size, skills and fitness (rock hard abs) and for me in particular I have the size and skills but not the rock hard abs like some guys.  But its usual.....ly just a fleeting feeling gone before really manifesting itself because ultimately her enjoyment brings me pleasure and allows me to relax and enjoy myself.  But I  know for her there have been actual jealous moments that took time to work through.  Long story short we all have insecurites, don't bury them addres them and move on.

Anonymous Female

I love to see my significant other pleasure other women as I am the one who asked him to start swinging.  I would love for him to feel the same way.  On day at a time.

 Anonymous Male

It's a natural reaction, since by letting another lover or two into your life the other is becoming less significant.

Anonymous Female

I can and have gotten midly jealous, not to the point that I do not want to hang out or play with that particular couple.  I just try to "one up" the woman I feel that pang of jealously over.  If she does something good, I try to do it better....If she does something long, I try and do it longer.  NO complaints from my husband on that one.  Plus I think a LITTLE jealousy is actually a good thing...After all is said and done your significant other is going home with YOU, then you can Boink his mother-freaking brains out and remind him WHY he is with you in the first place :)

Anomyous Male

Sitting at my kitchen table talking with a friend about that very thing.  Jealousy is the MAIN human emotion that exists in relationships, whether monogamous or polyamorous.  Most people have a very diffficult time compartmentalizing this rawest of human emotions.  I, for one don't EVER get jealous or want to "get even", because in the end, it's all about sex.  If the relationship fails, then it is better that it's over, life is much too short to try to hold on to something that is not going to work.

  Open marriage: is it for you?