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R ebecca Ammon
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Conversations about
Sex, Love, and
Relationships |
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January 2, 2012
How to
be a successful swinger
The time has finally come. It's 2012 and you are ready to jump feet first
into a new lifestyle that may permanently change your outlook on marriage, relationships, dating and
fidelity. While my personal experience of becoming a swinger was long and a bit twisted at times, it was
an natural part of my relationship that has fit perfectly to who I am today.
I've been married for over 20 years and a swinger for over half of that.
I'm not going to tell you that my relationship has been a bed of roses because we all have rough patches in
life. Making the right decisions and living with those decision are what makes us who we are today; two
people, happily married and swingers.
The #1 rule to having a successful relationship and participate in this lifestyle
is to communicate. You must be open and honest with your mate about your likes and dislikes.
If he/she is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable you must speak up. Thinking that you
might get used to it will eventually lead to failure. You should never feel the need to get used to
anything in the swinger lifestyle. If you keep all things 'cut and dry' - allowed or not allowed it will
keep drama at bay and help support a successful swinger lifestyle.
Respect all rules. Whether it's as small as no kissing without
permission or not cumming in/or have cum in your mouth - it's very important not to cheat on rules.
Swingers are lending their partner to you. He/she is not yours to do with as you please, but to please
with reasonable expectations by a preset of rules.
Know what you want before the date begins. If you are meeting a couple for
the first time and are unsure if you want to have sex with them or just get to know them, don't lead them
on. Set the scene early by hanging out in the bar or restaurant rather than jetting up to the
bedroom. The bedroom gives off the impression of sex to swingers.
Your success in this lifestyle inevitably depends on your
reputation. If you are the type of couple who gets naked and then suddenly changes mind about the
situation - you aren't going to be well received in the community. Take the time to talk to your partner
before anything progresses, make sure you both are in agreement before making the move to the bedroom.
There's nothing wrong with just getting to know each other and meeting at another time for sex. There is
something wrong if one of you pushes the other into something they aren't comfortable with. You have not
only ruined the evening for you both, but for the other couple as well.
Getting to know both partners is important. Whether you are a single
swinger or a couple, all parties need to be comfortable before anything happens. Don't rush this step or
you will find it a mistep in hooking up.
And finally, don't make your whole life about swinging. Swinging shouldn't
define who you are - swinging should be something you do, an a la carte feature of your relationship and not
who you are. It's a lifestyle, not a life.
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| © Rebecca Ammon 2012 |
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