October 30, 2011

How do you play the Swinger Game?

The swinger game is a mystery to many. Questions such as how can you watch your significant other with someone else? How do you know someone else wants to hook up with you? And how do you tell someone you want to hook up?

Even seasoned swingers are clueless at times how to make 'it' happen. I've been around the swinger block many times over the years. Our swinger style has changed and evolved. Some years we relied on internet dating and other years we find the club atmosphere more enticing. For us, being a swinger is something we do only occassionally as life permits. Sometimes we go out several times a month and then it might six or eight months before we venture out to party again.

I have no problem talking to strangers for the most part. I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. But even I get turned down sometimes. I was chatting with a couple last night at Eyz Wide Shut when the wife of the couple suddenly decided she didn't want to talk to me anymore by dragging her husband off to the dance floor. Ouch! Apparently my charm was not working. Have I lost my game?

The hardest part about swinging is finding a couple where everyone is happy. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. I found that evening as we explored the lodging side of the club that more couples were simply playing with each other rather than with others. Many of them were eyeing others around the room, but no real connections are made (including myself).

The Swinger Speed Dating I hosted many times in the past helped with this situation greatly. People had already gotten to know each other and were comfortable progressing further. And there I was last night, six months out of the game, again and feeling awkward and clueless of how to play the game. A guy even commented to me that he was 'surprised that the writer was all alone'. I suppose there were some there that would have been happy to make that connection with me and Soccer Dad, but in the end it just didn't happen. It's ok, maybe next time!

Comments:

1. We pretty much go to The Estate EVERY weekend. Knowing so many people there, as well as being the AA male of an interracial couple, it can be very difficult to lock in on one couple in a very short period of time. A couple should never consider a night at the swinger club a total failure if they don't connect with anyone. Many do, and it leads to self doubt or even negative feelings about your partner, i.e. maybe if I had another partner or someone with less rules or maybe if I weren't. . .you get the point. Just recognize that when we FINALLY connect with someone, it can be quite the relief and should definitely be enjoyed. I love your attitude of "it's ok, maybe next time". It's like going fishing and not catching anything. The time on the water, the peace and quiet, etc, were well worth the time spent.
   

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