January 14, 2012
Dear Rebecca,
I have been dating a man for almost three years now.
After the first year I found out he has been swinging for over 20 years. I was
not ok with it and ended the relationship. He then came back to me and told he
would not swing anymore. Since it has been and on again off again
relationship he has continually been
trying to get to swing but I cannot. The thought of him fucking other women does not turn me
on. We have been apart for a few months again and he came to with aring asking
me to marry him and swears he does not have to swing to be happy. My question is can a man that has been a swinger as long as
he has be happy with just one woman? Or am I telling myself he can? Help!!!!!
Sincerely,
Needing Help
Dear Needing Help,
It's hard to predict the behavior of anyone at a given
time. I think that once someone has made their life as one of swinging, it would be difficult to just
stop doing it forever. With that said, it's not impossible and I would think that someone completely in
love could change their life to being monogamous. You have to ask yourself if you trust this man.
If you believe he is telling you the heartfelt truth. There is nothing wrong with being
monogamous. The swinger lifestyle isn't for everyone. You must sit down and talk to him about
your view of marriage and make all the rules completely clear before entering into it.
December 15, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
I need new ways to cum and wanna cum more can u
help?
Sincerely,
Needy Man
Dear Needy Man,
I would suggest trying reading erotica. Many find
themselves very turned on from the mental images it creates. Look here for a few stories to get you
going!
December 12, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
Im looking to find some of best swinger clubs in London
or UK, but I cant , Would you please help me?
Sincerely,
Looking for Fun
Dear Looking for Fun,
I have started a worldwide directory for swinger clubs
here. Another place to look is Swingers Date Club. They have great connections all over the world
also!
November 29, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
Needing some direction plz. I have recently come across a
woman who stated she likes to be dominated at times but not physically. Could you please give some direction
and advice or suggestive sites to learn since I am more of the passionate love making type.
Ty.
Sincerely,
Desiring to learn more to please!!!
Dear Desiring:
Try to start with giving direction to
her. Tell her what you want her to do to you and how you want it done. Be explicit with the details. The
website FetLife has a lot of good information
- beyond the dating/social aspect.
November 26, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
Could we get to know each other better? p.s. i like it rough
in bed. how do you like it?
Sincerely,
Looking
Dear Looking,
While I'd love to get to know everyone of you it's just
impossible. Soccer Dad and I will date couples and occasionally we invite a single male or female into
our bed. I like all sorts of things in bed. My likes depend on the situation. I hope you
keep reading my blog and get to know me through my words.
November 23, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
Was wondering how you suggest handling it when a vanilla friend
inquires about what you did last weekend. What do you say to avoid the answer of ..'oh just went to a
swingers party'. Saying "went to a party" would only envoke the next logical question of.. "oh who did you go
with?"
The same question could apply to when dating someone - how would you address the issue of being in the LS if that
person could probably / would probably freak out!
Sincerely,
Lost in a Vanilla World
Dear Lost,
You need to always have a firm plan of who, what and where when in the lifestyle. I
sometimes will be very vague about where I went. I say we just hit a few bars in Tampa. Sometimes I will play
the drunk girl card. I was too drunk to remember. And other times I will pick a bar in a town a bit away so
that it wouldn't be somewhere we might know someone. Who did I go with - make up an imaginary
friend.
When dating someone it's probably a good idea to put your lifestyle choices out on the
table right at the beginning. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for a failed
relationship.
November 23, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
I'm a married guy. I would love to introduce my lady to
swinging. But I don't know if she is ready or comfortable with my fantasy. I don't want to force her into
something she doesn't want to do.
Could u assist me in making my fantasy a reality. Maybe with a few tips to get her to play.
Sincerely,
Married Guy
Dear Married Guy,
There is no one method that will turn your wife into
a swinger. It's a process that must happen over time. You need to discuss your feelings with
her. Maybe start with playing a game such as making a list of famous people on your 'permitted'
list. From there you can move to people you know that you are attracted to and so
on.
Being in the swinging lifestyle all comes down to
communication. If you can't be open and honest about what you want it will never
work.
Please check out How to Turn Your Wife into a
Swinger or The Swinger Manual for more great information.
October 24, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
My fiance and I are curious about the club, Eyz Wide Shut. We would like to go and experience everything the club has to offer, however,
we have never done anything of this sort before and have many questions. Maybe you can, if you would please,
give us the advice we are looking for in order to make our experience a pleasant one.
Are there any specific rules??
Swinger club rules are easy to follow. Mainly if you remember to be respectful of others
- don't touch without permission and if someone says no - it means no you will get along just fine. Eyz Wide
Shut actually has a rules on its website. You can find them here.
Are we obligated to swing or perform upon entering one of the
group rooms whether it be only singles allowed or couples only rooms??
You are never obligate to do anything ever. The group rooms are open to couples and
single men if they are invited in with a couple. Some will play/perform while others will want to just sit
and watch. Any/all of that is perfectly acceptable. When you enter a private room with another couple you
might want to discuss before hand what is expected. Will you swap partners, watch them, they watch you,
etc.
If we bring another person with us, are we allowed in all the
rooms, or how do we determine what locations in the club are more geared towards us??
Single men are only allowed in rooms when escorted by a couple. There are no
restrictions which rooms the single male can go in when with a couple.
Also, if we are having sex, how do you let others know if it
is ok to join us or not??
Getting others to join you for sex isn't difficult. If you find a particular couple is
watching you, invite them over with a nod or a verbal invitation. If they decline, don't be offended, they
may have only come to watch or aren't ready to swap partners.
Is everyone there courteous of what you want and don't want??
Also, likes and dislikes??
Always be honest and vocal about what you do or don't want. Never let someone do
something to you that is not acceptable to you. One of the best parts of swinging and being with someone new
is discovering their likes!
Any information or advice is very much appreciated. Another
thing is, if we want to just add another woman with us, is that an option or is it normally couples
only??
Single women are always more than welcome in the swinger world!
Please make us aware of any taboos, so no mistakes are made.
Thank you for your help. Hope to hear from you soon.
What might be taboo for one will be perfectly ok for the next. It's always good to talk
to people, find out what their rules are and share yours. Eyz Wide Shut isn't intimidating...although I'm sure some may disagree, but if you go
with an open mind and don't expect anything but a good time you will love it! I hope I get to meet you there
soon!
October 22, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
My wife and I are interested in starting to swing. What's the
best way to begin. We were thinking about going to a club ... Maybe one in Providence. She's very pretty so
I'm sure she'll get a lot of attention. Please let me know if you have any suggestions. And you look amazing
in your pictures. Thanks for any help you can give us.
Sincerely,
Mike
Dear Mike,
Going to a club is an excellent way to immerse yourself
into the lifestyle. Be open minded that you might be going just to meet and talk to be people with no
other expectations. Remember, it takes more than a pretty face to attract another couple for sex.
Just like regular dating most will want to click before they go any further. Being proactive about
meeting people will help you learn the ropes of swinging in not time!
September 10, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
We just wanted to thank you for the lovely work you've been
doing on the site. We're a polyamorous couple practicing polyfidelity for over ten years now. Our site:
The Ordinary Extraordinary-- about poly matters, with our
blog and book excerpts and photos and such. Again, just wanted to say thank you for your work!
Cheers,
Alan and Anna
Dear Alan and Anna,
Thank you so much for your wonderful sentiments!
It's so nice to hear from people with a similar understanding of life!
August 23, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
Due to the recent organization re-structuring, I have a new
supervisor. She is married and in her forties. I am sure we all need time getting to the new boss. But mine
is somewhat different. You see, I have fallen madly in love with her. Brenda is slim and has the most
attractive figure. But the most outstanding features are her boobs. Being in a small branch of a much larger
organization, my section only has two staff, Brenda and I. What's most difficult for me to get use to is her
dressing. As like any working ladies, Brenda usually comes to work in blouse and skirt. However, her blouse
is mostly light cotton. I would almost tell what sort of bra she is wearing. I bet she's 36C. And her skirt,
not only are they short but very figure hugging. Every morning I would look forward seeing her at work. When
she is not looking I would stare at her, many times I would wonder what she would be like naked. This has
often led me to fantasize fucking her. I bet she knows I am staring at her. Lately our working relation has
improved. We worked very well together. And sometimes we worked till late into the night. Because we both
knew we are married, we tried keeping our distance. But inevitably, we would be very physically close to each
other, especially when we are checking inventory. Sometimes I could even smell the perfume that she's
wearing. At times, when she bent over I could get a clear view of her down blouse. You can imagine what
"hardship" I was going through. I wanted to rip her clothes off and give her a good fuck and yet am not able
to do so. To ease my tension, I had to jerk off in office. Last Saturday we had to go back at office to do a
special inventory count for a particular type of hardware. As usual, I was very excited to see Brenda. When
she arrived, I almost had a heart attack. After removing her jacket, she was wearing a light white blouse but
without bra! I could clearly see her nipples. Brenda was very comfortable with it knowing well that I could
see her tits. She is also wearing a light grey skirt. It was shorter than normal. We greeted each other with
a hug and proceeded to work. During the count, I had many opportunities to see her tits through her down
blouse. Her nipples were erected and pressing against her blouse. Then came the moment of truth. She squatted
to count a bag of parts. Whether intentionally or not I had a fill view of her pussy as she wasn't wearing
any panties. I was transfixed by what I saw and my cock almost burst out of my jeans! I was locked onto that
view and only broke free when she looked up at me and called my name. Immediately I looked away. But I bet
she must have saw what I did and saw my erected cock pushing against my jeans. I apologized for not paying
attention and excused myself that I had to go to the bathroom. I jerked off with a huge load and thought I
saw someone outside the door through the gap. But I dare not ask Brenda if she saw what I did. The rest of
the afternoon went on very quickly with me stealing many glances at Brenda's tits. Rebecca I am not sure how
to handle my affection towards Brenda. Even when I fuck my wife I kept fantasizing I am fucking Brenda. And I
am masturbating more in office after seeing her tits. Should I tell Brenda my feelings towards her or just
keep quiet?
Sincerely,
Frustrated at Work
Dear Frustrated,
Clearly this woman knows exactly what she is doing.
Women like to play games and this is hers. But will she follow through? It's hard to say.
Consider what you are risking if you make the first move. 1) Your own marriage and 2) Your job.
Is sex worth this? If it is it seems you might have an open door to some fun, but if that fun turns
bad...you will lose, big time.
August 22, 2011
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Dear Rebecca,
Thanks ahead of time for takin my
inquiry. I've been married for 9 years this December. Good woman. REALLY
religous. We get along fine for the most part. The only problem is sex or the lack
thereof. I was very sexually active before our marriage, she wasn't. She was a
virgin to be exact. She also comes from a very religous family. I'm fine with that
part of her life. Our first year of marriage we were kinda active (missionary only),
but after that, it dropped off considerably. We have had sex in the past 8 years
approximately 8 times. 3 of those times resulting in children. We have a 5 and 3
year old and she is pregnant now with the 3rd. I know, I know. I already have an
appointment to get "fixed". We just have no affection what-so-ever. Some time back
I just quit trying... everything. I even quit kissing her when I got home, before bed,
and before I left for work. Because 4 out 10 times, if I lingered longer than a second,
she would push me away and say "Michael! Quit being perverted!" And basically look at me like I
was street trash. Let me clarify something. I am a very present husband and
father. I pride myself in those areas. I love being a father and taking care of my
boys. I'm not out running around in bars all night every night either. I am what
would be considered a homebody. I love being home with my family. I just wanted to
get that out of the way. I guess the start of my questions are this, am I wrong for
thinking about cheating? I haven't yet. If I'm not wrong, where would I
start? I don't think I'm interested in ending my marriage. It's just THAT part that
gets me. I keep listening to the little dude on my shoulder saying, "Go ahead! No one
will EVER know!" Honestly, I would LOVE to find someone I could trust that could fulfill my
needs in that area and be secretive and trusting enough to do so. Also, am I wrong for
looking for new ways to fullfill my needs online? Like sending pictures back and forth
with someone (something I actually did for the first time the other day). Because
honestly, what happened the other day was really fulfilling for me sexually. I enjoyed
it. It relieved alot of tension. This was my first experience with this sort of
thing and I am forever grateful because I feel like it awakened something inside of me.
That's why I'm asking your help and opinion on what I should do now. I have tried talking
to her about it... ends in me being called a pervert. I have tried to get her to go to
counseling with me for it... ends in me being called a pervert. I guess what I'm saying
is (and ultimately showing my inner dorkiness by quoting a Star Wars movie. I think that
null and voids my chances of ever getting laid again!) Help me Rebecca Ammon!
You're my only hope!
Thank you and the warmest of
regards,
Unfulfilled
Husband
Dear Unfulfilled
Husband,
Cheating is a difficult decision and
one that should not be taken lightly. You need to consider what you would do if you
were caught. Before diving into a lifestyle that may harm your marriage, you should
attempt to fix the issues you have at home with your wife. Offer marriage
counseling in general - and not necessarily only about sex. Remember, you married
her knowing her beliefs and accepted that.
With that said,
there are tons of people out there unhappy with their situations and unwilling to change
it. You are not alone. The internet is packed with people looking for a little
something - weather it's just a quick chat, photo swap, or hookup - you can find it.
Investigate more thoroughly - maybe you will find what you need without ever having to leave
your keyboard. I would never recommend cheating, but I am fully aware that it's a
very common practice. You are a grown man and need to make your own
decision.
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August 16, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
I have a question for you. I recently started seeing a new
woman. I really like her a lot. She is pretty, sexy, and is really into me. The problem is she has hair
panties like it's still 1982. How do I tell her to trim or even shave all that mess?
Sincerely,
Lost in the Jungle
Dear
Lost,
This can be a touchy situation. While you may desire a perfectly smooth kitty, you
should probably start with much more. Try making shaving or trimming part of your sexual experience together.
Another option is to have an open conversation about likes. Mention that you really like a woman trimmed
closely or shaved. Good luck finding your way out of the jungle!
August 4, 2011
Hello Rebecca,
In your experience, do you have suggestions where a unicock
might meet someone of the opposite sex that would be open to the swinger lifestyle?
Sincerely,
Unicock
Dear Unicock,
I would start looking on dating
websites. Specifically sites dedicated or open to swinging and an open lifestyle. Second I would visit
swinger clubs to check out the scene. You may meet a couple or single who you find works into the scenario
you are hoping for.
August 1, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
We are an upscale professional couple happy with ourselves.
Both 55 but still turn a few heads. Last couple of years our sex life has become increasingly vanilla. During
the last 6-7 years we manage a c/o trip to mexico (HBx2)/Jamaica.....We've talked about taking the plunge but
...She says she's game but she wants it to be spontaneous... She is hesitant to go to
Caliente/Paradise...Afraid to see someone who may know us (professionally).....Last child is now in college
so we have some flexibility....Do you have advice? P.P. Billie (my much better half) was a sex machine during
all but has cooled down the last few (ie complaints of dryness/pain & etc.). I am sure men-on-pause plays
some part....Her skills @ oral sex are still mind blowing.
Sincerely, Ed
Dear Ed,
Here is an excellent way to combat fear of going to Caliente/Paradise Lakes - explain to
her that even if you run into someone you know remember they are there for the same reasons as you. Nudity is
about freedom. It doesn't have to be a sexual freedom, but freedom to be who you are no matter your age,
race, sex, etc. I can't say if this will improve your sex life, but it does open the door to new experiences.
As far as her sexual issues - introduce lube to part of the play. Dry sex is painful and if she is
uncomfortable with lube, make it a game - have her give you a handjob. Show her its not a bad thing, but a
fun addition. Of course if it's a physical issue its always a good idea to see a doctor regarding her
problem. Otherwise patience and just a bit of encouragement may get you where you want to be
again!
July 31, 2011
Hello
Rebecca,
I have a question for you. As a
unicock (single male swinger) can a single swinger in the Lifestyle (male of female) meet someone, fall in
love, and get married?
Sincerely,
Looking for
Love
Dear Looking for Love,
Swingers meet, fall in love, and get married all the time. Although looking within the
swinger lifestyle isn't going to accomplish that goal. Swingers are looking for NSA sex. Even the unicorn
isn't out to find a boyfriends. She is participating in the lifestyle to avoid the baggage that comes with
dating. Swinging is about sex and sometimes friendship. Looking for a significant other while still
participating in the swinger lifestyle does present many challenges. Finding a woman who is open minded is
essential to making it work. This might pose quite a challenge for you. Going vanilla might be the best way
to fulfill your desire and later on suggest your interest in the lifestyle.
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