November 21, 2011

Can you really be friends
with a fuck buddy?

Swingers tend to have multiple fuck buddies. We go out, meet new people and have sex. The fuck buddy stigma doesn't come into effect until the swingers meet and engage in sex on multiple occasions and the relationship translates into your vanilla life as well. This tends to be where all the complications begin.

How does this relationship translate into real life - vanilla life (unless you live totally open to the fact that you are a swinger you actually do have two lives)? First let me explain why I call my vanilla life my real life. Real life equates to family, careers and relationships. They encompass more than the bedroom, but also holidays, weekday calls or just life events. Being a swing is just something I do.  You might run for exercise and that is something you do.  Soccer Dad and I swap partners - have sex with others and it's something we do.  It's not who we are, it's a label.

The swinger life I lead is primarily an imaginary life. I still have responsibilites in that life such, but I don't discuss most things personal. Once that starts to occur you have traveled with me to the other side. You might find that I am a different person over there.

We have friends (fuck buddies) that began as part of our swinger life and moved into our vanilla life.  And while we have known them for years, watched each others children grow our swinger life together has slowly gone by the way side.  We found more importance in our real relationship that can be shared with the world than the one we once had behind closed doors.  

In the real world I don't party and drink around my children.  Some find this really annoying because they see me as the life of the party when swinging.  It's just not something I choose to do.  And believe it or not, I am a shy person - something I struggle with day to day.  I can be outgoing, confident and successful on the outside, but on the inside I continually have to step outside my own comfort zone to be that.  In my swinger life it's not hard at all - it's just play.

I don't have issues of love and emotions in my swinger life.  Fuck buddies are your friends and your lovers.  Eventually emotions take hold of that and begin to complicate life.  At the end of the day I believe it's difficult to fuck buddies and friends.  And I'm betting if you are on that is telling me I am wrong that you are lying to yourself deep down inside.  There is a reason you want to have that person in all aspects of your life.

1. I personally would not fuck with someone I detested. Has to be a certain amount of mutual respect involved.
2. Sounds like it pulls back into focus whether or not someone considers themselves polyamorous or not. Somebody that you meet in "chocolate" life may strike SUCH an interest with you that you may be totally willing to go shopping at the mall or out to eat, etc. Where do you draw the line? Is it drawn at "rules" that respect you or your significant other's feelings? Maybe it's that you're at a point in your life where you are willing to "go where the wind blows you". Ultimately, the decision can't be made by anyone other than yourself. Otherwise, you'll wake up one morning 10 years from now and realize just how much you've let other people affect the way that you think, which ultimately becomes letting other people shape your happiness. Very provocative article. Good job R. A.
3. I struggle being "friends" with a fuck buddy because inevitably someone (it's been me) have gotten an emotional attachment, and those are hard to cope with. It usually ends up wrecking the friendship (temporarily) and the sex (permanently).
4. I think the emotional attachment is the difficulty, many want that and dont get it from swinging. Then there is conversation, trying to relate on two different planes one swining/partying, one just being a family man or woman and like you say raising the kids the way they should be raised. Good comments. 
5. Yes.