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R ebecca Ammon
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Conversations about
Sex, Love, and
Relationships |
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January 12, 2012
Can sex really be totally
string free?
Sex can lead to all kinds of difficulties in life. Aside from the physical complications that can occur from sex
there are those pesky emotions. Feelings of love, lust and desire are awesome results from an act that
can't really be topped by much. But what if you are a swinger?
Swingers fit into their own category of sexual
enthusiast. Swinger sex comes from lust, stems from physical attraction, and occasionally is with real
friends, but for the most part swinger sex is just people fucking; no strings
attached. Or at least that is what it is supposed to
be.
How do we do it? You might be surprised at the brains
ability to separate love from sex. For many, we were raised being taught that sex is something you only
do with someone you love, with your spouse. The reality is that most people are having sex without love
or marriage, but somehow there are a few strings still attached to even those.
I recently read a post
on facebook (in a lifestyle group) that pertained just
to this question and some of the responses shocked
me.
"Personally, I generally NEED some kind of connection to
a person to have sex with them. Be it friendship, or something more. It's very rare that I
pick up some random guy in a bar and drag him off to do dirty things. That can certainly be fun, but very
few and far between" said by one FB friend.
I've been an active in the swinger lifestyle for over 10 years. I've met a lot of people, some whom I continue
to have a relationship with (friendship) and others I probably won't ever see or speak to again. All
of thsoe people have been sex partners and I never shared an emotional sexual encounter with any. I do
and have had sex with the same partner on more than one occassion. For some this will lead to an
emotional connection because they have allowed themselves to be in that position.
It's perfectly natural to have emotions during sex.
Many of us were raised under the guise that sex is only with someone we love, our partner, our spouse. I
was never counseled on the manner of recreational sex; sex for the pure enjoyment of it, no more no less.
My parents were educators of a monogamous relationship, one spouse, on love, one sex partner. But the
reality of life has proven to me that isn't possible for most. I would imagine that most people have
experienced sex with more than one partner and that loving emotions weren't necessarily a factor with
all.
The emotion behind sex has been ingrained into our brains
from a young age. One must teach oneself how to explore the sexual world without it. And while many
will never learn how to manage an emotionless sexual encounter, a swinger has to.
"Love sex is different from, angry sex is different from,
friend sex is different from, stranger sex is different from, spouse sex, etc....I have no problem separating
emotions from chemistry from sex. I can and have done all of the above and like them all at different
times. Sometimes you want a loving embrace and other times you want to find a knot hole with sap running
out of it and fuck the shit out of it" said by one FB friend.
I often wonder if my ability to separate emotion from sex has
effect my marriage. But after taking a moment to ponder the thought I realize that my grasp on my
emotions and feelings have only benefitted my situation. After 20+ years of being married to the same man
I have evolved as a sexual being. From the exciting first encounters to the love drenched sexual meetings
and finally the ultimate sex life of knowing every need and desire or the other I understand what it's all
about. I don't have to have emotion with sex; I can have it any day of the week with Soccer Dad and yet
leave it at home for my swinger dates.
The swinger world fills our lives with additional sexual
encounters that only heighten our sexual prowess with each other. We don't need to have loving feelings
towards our sex partners. No connection or chemistry is necessary. Hell, sometimes we don't
particularly like our partners (personality wise), but a good grudge fuck sometimes leads to the best
orgasm..
I don't want emotional connections in my swinger
encounters. If you are one that can't have sex without that, I dont want you in my swinger bed or even my
swinger life.
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| © Rebecca Ammon 2012 |
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