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R ebecca Ammon
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Conversations about
Sex, Love, and
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September 3, 2011
A MAN MADE THIS
WOMEN
by
I was raised by a single mother who in the 30 years of my life and 55 of hers I saw naked approximately three
times. If I walked in on her while she was dressing, my nose was basically slammed in the door as she shrieked
"Close the door, I'm naked!!!" I wasn't ever allowed to see her naked so taking a mother daughter bath or
shower together as a child was completely out of the question.
When it was time for my period I remember her being excited I had become a women, but you can imagine how awkward I felt because I hadn't had any type of 'woman business' discussions before hand. She handed me pads and sent me on my uneducated way. Once learning that pads were definitely not for me, I ventured in to my mother's bathroom in search of tampons. For months I tried to figure out the tampons by looking at the pictures until one day my mom asked if I'd been using them? She'd noticed her box was disappearing at a rapid pace. I told her I had tried and couldn't get it in. Her response to that was, "Just keep trying." She never taught me to shave my legs, armpits or bikini line. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that a boyfriend said "Have you EVER shaved your pubic hair?" When it was time for me to become sexually active at 18 she brought me to planned parenthood to get birth control and informed me that if I ever got pregnant she'd kill me. When I became confused about how to use my pills I was scolded and made a fool by the statement of "If you can't figure out how to use your birth control, how are you responsible enough to have sex?" What I can tell you is that my mother apparently wasn't responsible enough to teach her daughter about healthy sexual activities, because at no time in our little don't get pregnant sex talks did she once tell me to have my partner wear a condom or that I could possibility catch an STD or STI from not using one. My only introduction to STD's came from my 40 something gym coach that taught sex ed and sucked saliva back into his throat as he stared at my tits. Heck, even when I was old enough to spell the word SEX I tested my mother by asking the age-old question "Mom what does s-e-x spell?" Her response was "Nothing!" I know you're all thinking "Wow this women's mother sounds like a complete prude," but no that isn't exactly true. For I heard my mother have sex with her random boyfriends, and even found adult videos, vibrators and nasty notes to her lovers on how to even shave a pussy for the tasting. Her drunken girls nights were filled with naughty talk about men as I listened from my bedroom. By no means was my mother a prude! My mother's major problem was her intense and very sad lack of self-worth, which later was bred into her own daughter. My mother never took the reins and said "I may be a little uneducated about the world, so let me instill values into my daughter that will stop her from becoming the boy hopping, unprotected sex having, never think she's worth a damn women I became. Let me break the chain. I want my daughter to feel full of sex appeal and know she doesn't have to give it away for men to like her." Well that never happened.
It wasn't until I met my future husband when I was 22 (having had unprotected sex up until that point and
emotionally scarred from all the partners) that I came to understand that the lack of sexual morals my mother
failed to instill in me was really wrong. My mother had done something no women should do to her child. She
never even gave me a chance. My husband told me, "You don't have to feel bad about being naughty or having a
healthy sexual appetite, you should embrace it and act responsibly instead."
It was a man who guided me into womanhood and prepared me for looking at my self in the mirror to see the damaged young women I had become and fixing her sexual soul from the inside. He educated me about sexually transmitted infections, was always willing to listen when I had a womanly problem, and never scolded me for my ignorance. I knew at a young age that I was bi sexual and had felt shame in knowing. I remember thinking my husband would be angry with me and think I didn't desire him if I told him, but it was my husband who showed me it's perfectly healthy to experience a women without shame and with pleasure. My husband and I ventured into the lifestyle 5 years into our relationship. Being with my husband had helped me gain self-confidence and find self-worth. After finding peace with the tattered sexual spirit I was, and becoming more sexually educated, I truly was ready to experience this with my husband. The lifestyle was something that forever changed me and forever empowered me, changing me into a sexual being confidence.
The lifestyle that we entered not only felt like something I had missed out on, but it also feels like
something I could never live without. In the lifestyle women are looked upon as the ultimate sexual goddess.
Husbands know how lucky they are in their marriage for not only having such sexy wives, but also having such
sexy wives who allow them to play with other men's sexy wives. We're trophies and respected for our beauty, our
sexual appetite, for being another man's treasure, and everything else that makes a women. Men want to give us
pleasure not just because they're out to seek theirs, but because they respect our husbands and know they're
treasure is being enjoyed and respected as well. Swinging instilled a confidence in me that only other women in
the lifestyle can understand. The best way I can describe is by saying swinging gave me complete (and yes I
mean complete) sexual expression and freedom. I feel as if someone gave me a chance, the chance my mother never
did. They took away the all shame I felt inside and empowered me through SEX!!!!! I became the charged with a
sexual confidence that women ALL women should have instilled in them from a young age. I'm not saying the
lifestyle is as well-fitting for everyone as it is for me, but the lifestyle and my husband have sincerely made
me a women I can be proud of being.
It took a man to make this women.
I now have a 3 year old daughter. We say vagina about ten times a day in our house, take showers together and
she already knows that babies don't come from the stork they come from a women's vagina. I walk around the
house naked from one room to another. She openly asks me questions like, "Momma why do you have hair on your
vagina now?" I answer honestly, "Because when you're older you will have hair there too, but momma shaves it
sometimes and then it grow back." I tell my daughter how amazingly smart she is and how time and education will
bring confidence in herself to make life choices that suit her. When it comes time for the birds and the bees I
plan on being brutally honest and giving her time and space to explore her sexuality. It's my job and mission
in life to instill sexual education and openness in my child so she can in turn teach her children. When did we
fall so far from where we started? When did it become okay to say SEX SEX SEX 40 times on a TV show and give
our children sex media, but turn over sex education to someone who doesn't even know our children?
Whether you're straight, gay, bisexual, or whatever you self label as, empowerment through knowledge and safe
sex is essential. Giving your child healthy sexual self-worth through education and keeping an open door for
discussion breads sexually responsible young adults which will in turn bring a better world.
My womanhood was given to me by my husband and a wonderful lifestyle, but how sad is it that it took until I was 27 years old before I could look at myself in the mirror and say, "I feel good about my sexual choices and liberated by them." I have become a sexy, confident women who loves sex, loves sex with women, loves sex in group settings, loves sex with my husband and with other women's husbands. I can say that with pride, my head held high and a smile on my face. Put a smile on your face and make the world a safe sexual place.
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