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November 14, 2011
10 Mistakes Men Make in Bed
Even after nearly 10 years of swinging, I still find that
some men forget the basic etiquette of pleasing a woman during sex. Occasionallythey need to be reminded of the do's and don't's of getting down to business. While I'm sure
women do just as many things to piss off men in bed, as a woman, I primarily have sex with men, so they will
receive the brunt of my complaints.
1 - Skipping
foreplay: Unless we are fucking in the restroom at a
truckstop, you have time for foreplay. No excuses.
2 - Forgetting to trim your
nails: This isn't a pap smear, so please don't
scrape my cervix.
3 - Complaining
about using a condom: I don't care if you have issues with
condoms. You should have taken care of that at your last check up. The
condom is mandatory so shut up and put it on!
4 - Kissing me while still covered in my pussy
juice: I love it when you go down on me and eat me
out, but I hate to kiss you when your face looks like a glazed donut. Discreetly wipe your face on your
shirt/pants/sheets.
5 - Expecting me to do all the work on
top: Let's face it, girl on top is pretty hot, but
don't expect me to do it all day. Roll me over and give me a little action back.
6 - Being too soft and
sweet: While most women love the 'making love'
moments of sex, we also like some rough and tumble action. Push me around, pull my hair and take charge! This
is swinger sex after all!!
7 - Sounding like a squeaky
toy: Sexual noises are exhilarating and women love
to hear they are pleasing just as much as men, but if you come off with a squeak, whine or girlie whimper you are
going to pretty much ruin the moment.
8 - Accidentally poking my
ass: By now you should know where my vagina is
located and where my asshole is. Keep your dick in the proper place unless otherwise directed. Those
accidental pokes are no accident at all. Anal sex is reserved for those I choose to do it with. Not
just any swinger partner of the evening!
9 - Forgetting to shave before a
date: Most women would agree with the statement that
beard rash sucks. Trying to cover up a red chin the next day isn't easy. Either let your facial hair grow a little
more or shave right before the date. It will make me oh so happy.
10 - Laughing when I accidentally queef or
fart: This is embarrassing no matter how it happens.
You most likely put that air in there, so it must come out. Just pretend like it didn't happen so we can get back
to business.
Comments:
- Who would skip foreplay? I\'ve always wanted to have a quickie in a bathroom or truck-stop. I always use
condoms and love cunnilingus.
- the accidental ass poke can go both ways!
- I agree with about not complaining when using a condom, but what exactly can be taken care of at a check up
that qualifies as an issue? Also, it should carefully noted that lambskin condoms will NOT prevent virus
transmission. They work as well as any condom against pregnancy, but their porosity allows viruses to pass
through. And about the accidental ass-poke: It does happen and it is embarrassing when it does. Now that I have
heard it likely that at least some women feel that it's a childish attempt at anal sex I am beyond embarrassed
and honestly I am really surprised that it would be considered. If I knew that a play partner that my wife was
with ever tried such a thing the night would immediately finished. That goes against any level of respect for
another person. Whatever happened to asking if something was okay? Lastly, long nails is a problem that my wife
has experienced with women. She's never complained of that issue with men. And please don't compare it to teeth
during a blowjob. Personally I kinda like a little nibbling. No biting down please, but a gentle nibble in the
right places can drive me wild. ;)
- YES!!! Well said!
- This is a light hearted response to the blogpost about 10 mistakes men make in bed. It isn't a rant nor an
angry response - More of a pointer that things in this domain (sex) is less normative than one think:
1 - Skipping foreplay
Well, this one is tricky because, as you write, there are situations when skipping the foreplay might be ok,
but in general I totally agree on this one.
2 - Forgetting to trim your nails
Yep, a really bad one...unless you are a female that wants some really nice scratch marks - So there are
exceptions. On the other hand, my general advice towards women would be: Keep your teeth in when you give
someone a nice blow...It really hurts otherwise.
3 - Complaining about using a condom
A big yes on this one...No excuses for not using a rubber, unless you are allergic to latex - But there are
always a solution to that problem as well.
4 - Kissing me while still covered in my pussy juice
This one is quite tricky too, because it's all a matter of personal taste (no pun intended), I know women who
get really turned on by feeling the taste of their own cum, and men too as well. It's not for everyone, but
there isn't a general rule on this one.
5 - Expecting me to do all the work on top
Some women feel more when riding the male, but don't feel anything when taken from behind. This one is a matter
of personal physiology as well as preference, but I wouldn't label it as a mistake men make in bed.
6 - Being too soft and sweet
Now that's my cup of tea, but that isn't for everyone either. Everyone doesn't like to be wrestled into bed,
spanked and hear the words "Horny slut". But I see what you are looking for here and I totally agree with you
if the perspective is based on a matter of personal taste.
7 - Sounding like a squeaky toy
I totally disagree with you on this one, because making people too concious about their "sex noises" is
devastating in most cases. Isn't it better that people make noises than not making any sounds at all?
People sound like they do and fucking together isn't an audition, people are exposing themselves in bed.
8 - Accidentally poking my ass
Slippery when wet? Well accidents do happen, the question is how to react when they happen and how to deal with
them.
9 - Forgetting to shave before a date
I know women that like a beard rash due to the feeling it creates in certain places - But yet again, a personal
matter of taste.
10 - Laughing when I accidentally queef or fart
I'm a true believer of the fact that you should be able to have fun together in bed, which includes laughing
together. This one depends on the reaction from the person who is letting some air out.
But the operative word here is together and sometimes things can be dedramatized in different ways.
It was interesting to read your posts and it actually made me think about a couple of things. One of the most
important things is how crucial to talk things through before you do anything in the world of swinging, BDSM or
the vanilla world. It's only then you will be able to judge the personal taste of your play partner.
Keep up the good work and a really interesting post!
You might also like:
 Open marriage: is it for
you?
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